Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
