Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
