She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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