My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
