I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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