i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The air was thick with penises
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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