that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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