Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
