he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
