I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize