East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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