id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize