Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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