Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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