capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
