He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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