I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
