Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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