Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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