Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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