Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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