those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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