So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
