i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
