I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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