i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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