no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
