I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
