Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
