yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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