Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
