sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
