I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
