I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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