in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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