It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
