I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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