I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
