This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
