i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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