I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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