I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I FOUND THE LEGS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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