If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
