it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
