You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
