apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
birth control should be required to get into college
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
