So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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