went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
