i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
