the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
