i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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