you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
