is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
