Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
