You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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