Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
