Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
