I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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