I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
