Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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