i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
