R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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