normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
