dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
