Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
