new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
