I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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