Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
