he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize