And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jerry, you need to find god
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
