farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Boobs are out for the taking
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
