Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize