Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
