i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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