and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
