What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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