I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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