thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
