Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
