one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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