Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
