Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
