She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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