My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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