She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
bring money and cleavage
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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