watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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