My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
