what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
