you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
