What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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