why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
